sunday scribblings: the end

Since I started writing poetry again this summer, I've been going through all my journals to find my poems. I've kept a journal since I was 15 so you can only imagine all the digging that I have to do. It was so much fun though, some of the poems were so cheesy I was rolling my eyes and getting side-stitches from laughing too hard at the same time.

What struck me about my sophomoric poems were three things. First, they were all about love. Second, they were mostly unrequited love. Third, they all had this air of finality about them. Like these lines:

Why does it have to be this?
Everything leads me to you
and I can't remember
without you.

This was my first heartache, not that the boy even cared. Last time I heard he dropped out of college, got someone pregnant and moved to a different island. He was always a player. But I liked him anyway and at that time it sure felt like he was the only one for me. Here's another poem:

How long is lone?
it begins and ends
with the thought of you.

I guess when you're young, it seems like all endings are just that - endings. And it was so hard to see beyond your pain. You want the rest of the world to stop and mourn with you. But as your heart gets broken again (and again) you'll learn that endings are really just beginnings - the chance to believe and start over again. My poems also started to evoke these feeling as I grew older. Like this ending lines from a poem I wrote in college:

Soon, you will give your life to another.
Soon, I will relearn how to laugh again.

And soon your presence will become
but slowly fading echoes
surrounding my heart.

* * *
Ah, this might be the first and last time that I'll post something about luv here. But who knows? Read more responses to prompt #75 "the end" over at Sunday Scribblings.

11 comments:

  1. I listen to my daughters' sappy poems like this and realizing that "the end" for a teen does seem so final and forever...and there will be no one EVER like this for me again...and then I read one of my poems from that time period and realize I thought the very same things! What cool thought you brought out here for me to Re-remember...
    I truly believe we were soul sisters somewhere...even though you're about 20 years younger than me! I love how you feel about your sister the way I do!

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  2. reminds me of my teenage days, I used to write a lot of poetry in my journals as well, and yeah mostly sappy, love life lament - the usual theme...
    phases and faces, we all encounter and make past...but until we do, we keep thinking the 'end' is absolute.

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  3. Reminds me of my early poetry too!

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  4. It's amazing how much we can learn about ourselves going over old writings. Nice post!

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  5. hi marie,
    we really are connected aren't we? i'm so glad i "met" you while traipsing around the blogosphere! :)

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  6. hi ana! thanks so much for dropping by. i guess us girls went through the same phase when we were young, huh? :)

    hi crafty! reading those writings now is just pure entertainment. hehe. although a part of me is also a little sad about the loss of naivety. you certainly get more cautious and jaded after awhile. and i'm not just talking about love but life in general.

    hi gilson! i know, i was certainly blown away by how my journals made me realized that i've grown so much while some parts of me, like my core personality, stayed the same.

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  7. I recently discovered some old poems, many I had forgotten about. There were plenty of angst-filled ones, lamenting my unrequited love. The funny part (now) is that in some cases I can't even remember which fellow they were about! But I was totally sincere at the time.

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  8. I kept journals as well in my long-ago youth! I was looking through them last year and was sorry to see how shallow I seemed! It was all about which guy I liked and what he meant by what he said, etc. At least you wrote poetry! I did read a lot of poetry - mostly Edna St. Vincent Millay, who wrote a lot of sad love poems in her own youth!

    It's so true that when you're a teen everything seems like forever. Like if you get a bad haircut, you want to die of mortification. Now, we just figure "it will grow out eventually." Perspective is everything.

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  9. sister ae, thanks for stopping by!the only reason i know who i wrote them for was because of the journal entries and the dates when i wrote them. otherwise, i've forgotten most of them. hehehe.

    mauigirl, i know what you mean. i think 75% of my journals in high school were all about crushes (my friends and i even had code names for them) and trying to put so much more meaning into what they said to me. the next thing i knew, i was already dreaming of forever and happily-ever afters! =)

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  10. I wrote atrociously in my earlier writes. It was two years back...:D

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  11. gautami, for someone who writes as well as you do now, this is very inspiring.

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