yes, i'm still here

Two days ago I received this e-mail:
"Dear Ode, What is up with you? I have called several times and left an email. Are you still in the country? Much love, L. "

And then I got this text message from one of my closest friends:
"hey, just wanted to make sure ur ok. haven't heard from u."

Truth is, this past week was one of those times when I really just wanted to keep quiet. I've been so busy (oh, how I hate using this word) and I realized that I need to step back and think about things for awhile. And as always, I sought comfort in words, and I found these lines from Rilke's poem called Lament which helped me understand how I felt:

I would like to step out of my heart
and go walking beneath the enormous sky.


I too walked a lot. And I found that with every step that I took, it became easier to go out of my heart and walk back towards it at the same time. One cold evening, at the end of my walk, I wrote this in my journal: I walk to find myself again/the wind shaking trees knows/exactly what I meant.

I have no idea where those words came from. But there they were, written on a page. I'm glad that we had our first pouring rain this week for it gave me the opportunity to slow down, enjoy the little pleasures of reading a good book and sipping hot cocoa, and just BE. I'm not sure where exactly this quiet time will take me. Just know that I'm still here, thinking of all of you.

* * *
Here is a postcard taken along one of the stairway walks in my neighborhood:

After the Rain

5 comments:

  1. Hi Odessa! I've been thinking about you and meant to stop by sooner. I love the words from Rilke's poem and I love what you wrote in your journal about finding yourself again and how the tree knows what you meant. You express yourself so beautifully. So here's to quiet and reflective times, rain and hot cocoa. Here's a bunch of hugs.
    :)

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  2. Hi Odessa, I've been having a contemplative week as well. Sometimes we just need that...

    The photo and your poetry are both beautiful.

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  3. funny, yesturday when it was all gloomy and there was a threat of rain here in SoCal, i was writing something like what you wrote right now, i don't write as lovely as you do though, but yeah, i felt that way too, that i was glad for the opportunity to be able to slow down...

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  4. hi clare! thanks a lot. you really are so sweet. it was raining again today and i thought of you and Moose. hope you had the chance to play in the rain!

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  5. mauigirl - thanks! we really do need it from time to time.

    'rish - so glad you felt the same way as i do. i bet you'll be crazy busy in the next couple of weeks so hang in there. (p.s. what are talking about, you express yourself very well! keep on writing).

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