confession tuesday


This picture was taken last weekend at Fort Baker. I am not quiet sure what I was doing here, I might have been dancing or doing a yoga pose, or simply dorking around, but it makes me happy.

You see, 6 years ago, I don't think this would have been possible. I was (and in some ways, still am) terribly self-conscious and randomly dancing/dorking around in a semi-crowded place would have been too much for me. The only time I was completely free and unmindful of what others think was when I was writing. And even then, it was only until I started this blog that I became more comfortable with other people reading my work.

Looking back, its amazing how much I changed through the years. I'd like to think that everything that had happened -- leaving my country to study and eventually living here, moving to San Francisco, literature and poetry, meeting kindred spirits both in the real and virtual world -- all of this led me to where I am today, closer to finding who I am and who I'm meant to be.

January wrote this post about her authentic self, which in turn inspired me to do the same. Things has been really hectic lately and I barely have time to sit down and write, but today I told myself that I need this, I must do this. So here it is, my personal truth, my authentic self:
  • I want to live in the present moment.
  • I am happiest when I'm writing.
  • I am inspired by people and places.
  • I want to travel and learn many things.
  • I want to make a difference, no matter how small.
  • As much as I need to spend time with the people I love, I also need time to be on my own.
And now for the not-so-good things about me, the things that keep me from being my authentic self:
  • I procrastinate all the time.
  • I have very poor time management skills.
  • I am very indecisive.
  • I tend to make promises that I can't keep.
  • I often worry about what others think of me.
  • I am way too trusting.
One of the best things that someone told me was this: we are a work in progress. And always will be. So its good to give ourselves a pat in the back sometimes, for everything that we've done, for all that we want to be.

7 comments:

  1. Oh, wow. Our authentic selves are so similar it's frightening. My list would look *exactly* like yours.

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  2. I love it, Maya! We're definitely kindred souls.

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  3. Oh I'm a huge procrastinator too which completely undermines my goals.

    But at least we realize where we could use improvement. That's got to count for something right?

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  4. Oh, I love your picture! What you say about being self conscious really hit home with me. I'm glad you're out there now, because I enjoy your writing very much.

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  5. dorkys, yes. at least we are aware of the things that we need to work on. and hopefully start doing something about it.

    julie, thank you so much.

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  6. Yes! What a great post and photo. Is is good sometimes to look back and see how far we've come.

    Love both your lists.

    Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with us. You're a wonderful writer!

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  7. I love this post, and we have so much in common. I am such a procrastinator, and time management skills? Forget about it! But I also have many of the same ambitions as you do. No wonder we get along here in Blog World! Next time I'm in SF, will have to let you know ahead of time so we can meet.

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