this quiet corner

It's been raining non-stop here since I got back from the Philippines and at the rate its going, I have a feeling that I won't be seeing the sun until February. Unfortunately for me, its been really hard to go back to the swing of things and not wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning, and all these gray skies and rain is not helping either.

How do you go from two completely different worlds anyway? If I close my eyes, I can still see the sun, feel the sand between my toes, smell the sea, and then I look around and see people bundled in winter clothes and I tell myself that here is where I am now, this is my other reality.

Times like these, I tend to surround myself with the little things that make me happy. A cup of coffee. Books. Poetry. My camera. Paper, lots and lots of paper. Music and film, in a language that I don't understand. (I hardly watch anything without subtitles these days).

I watch my cousin's dog find the coziest corner in the room to snuggle into while I fight the urge to stay under the covers and dream of sunny days. Its awfully easy to do that, to stay in this in-between state, and go through the motions without being actually present. But that's not the way I am. Nor do I want it to be that way.

And so it goes.

The city is helping though. Everyday I see something that reminds me of why I choose to live here. I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time in more than a month, watch the fog slowly erase distant ships, and held my breath. Even the middle of our darkest winter, this city still holds its spell over me.
Sausalito, taken on 1.23.10

4 comments:

  1. Oh-dessa, I know just what you mean about the struggle to stay present, or to keep on going when you can't get present. Keep on keeping on.

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  2. Man, it seems like this winter is just trudging on forever. I also can't wait for the sun, warmth and trips to the park without freezing to death.

    But I do know that leaving the city and then coming back to it with fresh eyes helps me fall in love with it again...until I'm stuck outside in 19 degree weather.

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  3. The fog is one of the things I miss about the Bay Area. Everyone complains about it, but I think it's romantic! (I live in sunny LA, so of course the grass is always greener.)

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