confession tuesday

It's been awhile since I joined The Confessional, so brace yourselves for a long one. Here we go.

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I'm in love. With ballet, that is. And I'm pretty much feeling like the crazed girl Yeats described in this poem, dreaming of tutus and floating on cotton candy clouds. I've always wanted to do ballet but due to limited resources (when I was young) and my lack of confidence, it just never happened. I almost enrolled myself in a class last year but chickened out at the last minute. Finally, finally, I mustered all the courage two weeks ago and now I'm officially enrolled in an adult beginner class at the Academy of Ballet.

That said, I'm not sure if ballet loves me back. We're talking about a girl who has very little dance experience here, who can't play any type of sports, and who keeps bumping into things. But it doesn't really matter because being in class makes me so very, very happy. I promise to write more about our class, because it deserves a post of its own, but for now all I can say is that I love everything about it.

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It took me a long time and a lot of introspection to be in this space that I'm in right now. I might have alluded to it in my previous posts, but the last two months were really hard on me. It always breaks my heart to say goodbye to my family, not knowing when I'm going to see them again, but for some reason it was even harder this year. Not a day went by when I didn't ask myself questions like: What am I doing here? What do I really want? And the worst part was, I couldn't even find joy in anything, not my job, not the children that I work with, not even writing.

And then March came and somehow I wasn't so sad anymore. It might have a lot to do with poetry, going back to church again, the promise of spring and sunny days, all my wonderful friends, dancing, San Francisco...all of the above, but here I am, and it feels like a new beginning.

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I might have spent too much money on clothes lately. What can I say? A homesick girl needs retail therapy, ha. But I did promise to give up non-essential shopping for Lent and so far, except for this one dress that I'm not even sure I'm keeping, I've done pretty well. We shall see if I can keep this up until Easter.

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Lastly, I must confess that I'm hopelessly addicted to Korean dramas. Especially this one, and mostly because of him. There, I said it.

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How about you? Anything you want to confess? Join us at The Confessional via Poet Mom, or leave a comment here. You know you want to :)

Photo by Rebecca Miller (via)

7 comments:

  1. ballet! i'm so proud of you! :)

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  2. Congratulations for enrolling, Odessa. I'm delighted for you. I used to do ballet and a little part of me is still in love with it. I hope you savour the experience.

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  3. Yea you! Maybe starting ballet along with church and poetry and other activities account for the change of mood. I tend to be seasonally affected during the same period, and then we get a few spring-like days and my mood improved dramatically.

    You are awesome! We need these periods of introspection to balance out the happier times.

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  4. 'te carmen, thank you!

    michelle, you used to do ballet? oh, that makes me so happy. and yes, will definitely savor the experience.

    january, thank you! you are awesome too.

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  5. Hi, Odessa! I'm so happy for your new venture in dancing. Congratulations on having the courage to go for it. Will we get to see any pictures or videos of you dancing?

    I'm glad you're feeling happier this month. Feeling homesick is a rough thing. Yep...clothes definitely help:)

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  6. This was such an honest and touching post. Everyone can relate to how you feel when you are away from your family.

    And I lived in South Korea, so I understand your addiction to Korean dramas. My all-time favorite is the drama "All In" with Song Hye Kyo and Lee Byung Hun.

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  7. julie, i'm not too sure about the video part..lol. but i'll definitely take pics. thanks for dropping by, its always good to hear from you.

    des, thank you. and that's too funny about the korean dramas. don't they just suck you in? it gets really addicting once you start watching an episode. i haven't watched "all in" but i love LBH, i think he's a great actor.

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